Ode to the Terrifying Poodle Face

Davai poznakomimsya with the terrifying poodle face that hangs beside my bed. What is there to say that this picture already doesn't? Should we start with the dead eyes that stare into the abyss? Or that fine, silken mustachio? I wonder who decided that the mustache was a necessary component. Like, this stuffed poodle face isn't already disconcerting enough--let's add some facial hair to really creep everyone the fuck out. Also note the protruding tongue. Whoever crafted this creature was a sick individual.
    I can best liken the TPF (terrifying poodle face) to a pagan idol of old. In Soviet times, small children and/or delicious blinchiks were probably sacrificed to him so as to ensure a successful mushroom hunt (Russians are like hobbits. That should be a blog post all of its own.). I'm not sure of its intentions regarding me. I live in terror, wondering what lurks behind those shark-like, plastic eyes. If it wasn't for the fact that I recently had holy water thrown on me (people seem to like blessing me), I would fear for my life.

  (Maybe I should just throw a scarf over the abomination and be done with it?)